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Reporting for duty… straight from the stratosphere of sarcasm. This T-shirt is a high-powered tribute to one of the most delightfully unhinged conspiracy theories ever launched into orbit: that the Jews have a secret space laser used to start wildfires.
So we leaned in. Hard.
Welcome to the Jewish Space Laser Division — the elite (and entirely fictional) unit you never knew you needed. Featuring a bold retro-military insignia, this tee lets you channel top-tier Zionist energy, cosmic confusion, and world-class trolling in one comfy package.
☄️ Parody military unit patch design
🪐 Galactic sarcasm levels: maxed
✡️ For fans of satire, not conspiracy theorists
🔥 Zero actual lasers. 100% certified fire look.
Perfect for Shabbat, sci-fi conventions, or confusing your uncle at family dinner.
Buy one before it gets "censored by the lizard people."
This product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order, which is why it takes us a bit longer to deliver it to you. Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions!
Jewish Space Laser Division T-Shirt – Officially Unofficial
$35.00 USD
So we leaned in. Hard.
Welcome to the Jewish Space Laser Division — the elite (and entirely fictional) unit you never knew you needed. Featuring a bold retro-military insignia, this tee lets you channel top-tier Zionist energy, cosmic confusion, and world-class trolling in one comfy package.
☄️ Parody military unit patch design
🪐 Galactic sarcasm levels: maxed
✡️ For fans of satire, not conspiracy theorists
🔥 Zero actual lasers. 100% certified fire look.
Perfect for Shabbat, sci-fi conventions, or confusing your uncle at family dinner.
Buy one before it gets "censored by the lizard people."
This product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order, which is why it takes us a bit longer to deliver it to you. Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions!
Size guide
| LENGTH (inches) | WIDTH (inches) | SLEEVE LENGTH (inches) | |
| S | 28 | 18 | 15 ⅝ |
| M | 29 | 20 | 17 |
| L | 30 | 22 | 18 ½ |
| XL | 31 | 24 | 20 |
| 2XL | 32 | 26 | 21 ½ |
| 3XL | 33 | 28 | 22 ¾ |
| 4XL | 34 | 30 | 24 ¼ |
| 5XL | 35 | 32 | 25 ¼ |
| LENGTH (cm) | WIDTH (cm) | SLEEVE LENGTH (cm) | |
| S | 71.1 | 45.7 | 39.7 |
| M | 73.7 | 50.8 | 43.2 |
| L | 76.2 | 55.9 | 47 |
| XL | 78.7 | 61 | 50.8 |
| 2XL | 81.3 | 66 | 54.6 |
| 3XL | 83.8 | 71.1 | 58 |
| 4XL | 86.4 | 76.2 | 61.5 |
| 5XL | 89 | 81.3 | 64.3 |
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